Friday, August 22, 2014

New project

   The world is a churning metal box and a flashing red light. 
   Your body is limp and you feel your skull crack against several cold and hard surfaces. Your vision quakes and your head wobbles atop your flimsy neck. 
   Your skeleton vibrates and your senses are assaulted with high-pitched ringing and a demanding odor of exhaust fumes. Your lungs simply refuse to work. Your mouth opens and closes but oxygen fails to go in or out. 
   Once more your head slams against the malaphyriphic wall and your eyes close. They close but you blink. You open them wide but only darkness stretches in front of you. Your fingers shakily rise to your face and you prod your open eye. You don't see your hand. 
   The next thing to go are the sirens. They are quickly replaced by an incessant ringing. Still the smoke crawls up through your nostrils and scrapes the inside of your throat, raw. Your body is still seizing but all you can do is lay back and convulse.

   Now the world is black and silent. 
   Your ears ring just so that your mind can register some kind of noise. Your mouth is filled with a warm, salty liquid and you let it dribble from between your slightly parted lips. You try to sit up, but without your sight, you can't be sure if you're actually moving at all. 
   The ground beneath you shifts with the deafening sound of metal scraping against itself. A shaft of light slaps you in the face and you raise your arms to your eyes in protest. 
   Your vision focuses on your arm. Your flesh is green. 
   You blink. 
   Your flesh is blue. 
   You try to gasp but only a wheeze escapes your lips once you part them. You crawl backwards on your hands and feet as if you could physically run away from what you just witnessed. 
   The metal shifts again and the light is gone. You're left alone in the engulfing darkness, gasping, clutching your hands to your chest. 
   
   At some point you must have passed out from lack of oxygen because you find yourself waking someplace cold and wet. There is just enough light to make out the silhouette of your hand in front of your face. 
You are light headed and cannot bring yourself to stand up. A hollow groan escapes your chapped lips. A drop of water lands on the bridge of your nose and rolls down into your open eye. It burns like hell but you haven't got the motivation to blink.

And so you lay with your back on the ground, your clothes soaked through with the icy moisture that pools around your stationary frame, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling above you.
The scent of roasting flesh crawls into your nostrils and leaves behind a bad taste in the back of your throat.

You track the time with your breathing. Two seconds to inhale and two to let it out, shaky but reliable. Two minutes, five hours, eight days.
Or maybe just half an hour.
No matter how long its been, you still can't see a thing and you haven't moved an inch. Not even your thoughts go anywhere.
Its when you've finally decided to get up that a door opens and your entire body is smacked with the hand of light.
Heavy footsteps.
You're dragged to your feet and slammed against a wall while a buzzing razor flies around your head. You're released and you let your body crumple to the ground.
Heavy footsteps.
The door shuts and the light is gone.
You blink and then bring your hands to the top of your head. Your fingers graze the uneven stubble and patches of lengthy hair in hard to reach places, like behind your ears. You know that your scalp is bleeding because when you touch your fingertips to the tip of your tongue, you taste metal.

You lean back against the wall, plucking stray hairs. You wrestle your poor excuse for a shirt off of your frame and press the fabric to your shredded scalp. When you're finished, you feel the cloth with your fingers and determine that it is too wet to adorn any longer.
A few times, a light flickers on for a split second and your surroundings are flashed before your foggy eyes. Only one word registers:
Grey.
Chunks of hair clump together in the pools of blood to your left. You prod the sticky mixture with your finger. Occasionally, the hair brushes against your calf and makes your skin itch. You scrape your fingernails along your leg, lazily.

   For lack of anything else productive to do, you stand, dragging your palms against the uneven wall to your side as you walk. There are four. Each of them stretch about ten feet long. There is a door carved into the one to your right. 
   Using your high-school-graduate knowledge, you figure that this room is about forty square feet. There is an empty bucket stationed in the center of the room. There is a nest of rats in the far left corner. 
   Notes to self:
   Rats are easily agitated. 
   Sharp teeth. 
   Livid determination. 

   What gets to you isn't the solitude. You find solace in it. It isn't the lack of sight or the constant goosebumps that leave your skin sore. 
   It's the fact that if you sit there, perfectly still, perfectly silent, and you somehow manage to tune out the irregular beating of your heart, you can hear footsteps. You can hear screaming. But no one comes to your door. 

   And as much time as you wasted imagining and longing for the light, for a single lungful of air that doesn't taste of urine, when you're dragged by the back of your neck, out of your cell, all that you want is your solitude. 
   You're blind. 
   The light reaches into your eyes and rips them from their sockets. You stumble forward, being pulled onward to a new environment. 
   It smells of rotting meat and bleach. It's cold. It's cold and you wish that you had a shirt. 
   Eventually your body collapses to the hard tile and your tour guide has no choice but to literally pull you across the floor. You claw at the ground, desperately trying to go back to your planet of dark and stillness. 
   You hear the creaking of a door and you are thrown through a threshold. You hit the floor, back first, skidding a ways, causing the skin on your shoulder blades to be peeled off. 
   The door closes. 
   You peer through your fingers until the light no longer beckons moans from your lips. 
   You look to your right. 
   Moldy walls. 
   You look to your left. 
   More of the same. 
   You turn and look behind you. 
   A heavily bolted door. 
   Straight ahead: a dirty man folded in on himself, his face buried in his knees. 
   There are scars on the top of his naked head and a shawl clings to his frame. His skin is tan and wrinkled, like worn leather. 
   His back rises and falls in a steady rhythm, but not slow enough for him to be asleep. 
   Your own breathing is shallow and plagued with hiccups. Your eyes itch and your body surrenders to it's tremors. 
   Suddenly, your unsteady breaths are interrupted by a warm syrup climbing up your throat. You fall forward on your hands and knees and retch, your back arching as blood spills over your lips and pools onto the floor. 
   You cough and splutter until bile no longer dribbles from your mouth. You try to regain some composure, but choke on remnants still desperate to cut off your airways. 
   The man looks up from his arms to peer at you. He remains silent, watching you fight for air. You hold his frosty gaze as you heave and clutch at your burning chest. 
   Your coughing subsides and the two of you stare at one another, listening to your jagged breathing. 
   "Sam." 
   The word cuts trough the air like the bark of a dog and with the intensity of dwindling time. His upper lip is bordered by wiry facial hair that quivers when he exhales. 
   "I beg your pardon?" Your voice is weak and strained, having not been utilized in weeks, as far as you know. 
   "Sam." He says again. 
   "Bobby."
   "Pleasure to meet you, Bobby." He nods in your direction, a gesture of respect. 
   "The pleasure is all mine."
   He grunts. 
   You fumble for words to prolong the out-of-place pleasantries. How odd, how ORDINARY, to exchange these stiff words of greeting in such a place, such a prison!
   "If you don't mind my asking, have you the foggiest as to where we might be?"
   He stares at you, huffing and pressing one palm to your chest, the other occupied with holding you up. He wiggles his mustache at you and spits on the floor to his right. 
   "Yes, sir, I have." He says. 
   "And that is?"
   "Hell."
   He sits back against the wall and folds his arms loosely over his chest, comfortably. He never breaks eye contact with you and you haven't got the courage to rip your gaze from his. 
   He says no more for several minutes.  

"Navy?" He asks.
"Air Force."
"Same here."
Silence.
"You crash?"
"Yeah," You say, "Did you?"
"Nah. They surrounded me with their own planes and gave me a choice: land, or they'd shoot me down."
"So you landed?"
"I'm here, ain't I?"
"Yes, sir."
"So I landed."
He takes a deep breath and lets it out through pursed lips.
You swipe the blood off your chin with the back of your hand. You lock eyes with the leathery man that doesn't fit his name. His eyes are the kind of grey that could be mistaken for blue if he were smiling.
But he isn't.
His eyes just add to the tension of the hard expression on his face--cold and steely.
His eyebrows are thick and bushy, strongly resembling his mustache. His forehead is creased in layers and his face has a strange, squarish shape. His lips are as thin as they are dark. Laugh lines streak his face, souvenirs from a happy life he left behind.
"Is this some kind of prison?" you ask, needing to fill the silence that has been pressing in on your chest.
"Prison?" He laughs, a short, sharp noise. "We aren't that lucky, kid."
He laughs again, this time louder.
"Then where are we?" You ask after he's finished.
"This," he gestures to the space around him, "is a concentration camp."

"We're going to die." It's a question, but it leaves your mouth as a statement, since you already know the answer.
"Yep."
"And you're okay with this?"
"Well panicking isn't going to do me any good, is it?"
"I suppose not, but--"
"But nothing, kid. There's not a thing we can do while we're cooped up in here."
"You have a plan for when they let us out, then."
"No."
You stare at him.
"You have any idea how many men are out there, Bobby?"
Silence.
"'Coarse not, they drug your ass in while you were still out, cold."
Silence.
"How many?" You ask.
"How many what?"
"How many men?"
He considers your question for a few moments, twitching his mustache.
"Ten Thousand."
"Ten thousand?"
"At least."
"Good God!"
"Is he really that good?"
You pause.
"Who?"
"God."
You say nothing.
"He's the one who got us where we are, ain't he? He put us right here in this camp. That doesn't sound very merciful to me."
Silence.
"I'm sure there are other people with greater needs--"
"What's the greatest need to you right now, Bobby?"
"To get the hell out of here."
"And do anyone else's needs concern you?"
"Not particularly, but--"
"Then your's is the greatest need to you." He blinks.
Silence.
"God, ain't coming to the rescue, kid."
Silence.
"You don't believe in God, do you?" you ask.
"Never have."
"Why?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why don't you believe in God?"
His expression hardens.
"That just ain't right, kid." He shakes his head. "Do people go around asking you why you DO believe in God?"
"No, I suppose they don't."
"Then what makes you think that its proper etiquette to ask me, a total stranger, why I don't?"
Silence.
"I don't believe I have the right, sir."
He grunts. 

Fourth set of monologues

Monologue #1:
Me and Daisy always used to go out in that field. When the summers were humid and the winters were chilling. But we always went to that field.
She would pick those wildflowers back there and tie their stems together. She'd make me stacks and stacks of crowns and necklaces and I would wear every single one at the same time because she would tell me I smelled like freedom.
She would yank up her skirts to her knees and just run--Lord, she would run. Her hair would fly out behind her like a silky golden cape.
And right here--under this tree, here--is where she took her last breath. And do you know what the last thing that she said to me was? She said, "Where are those flowers, Jonny?"
Monologue #2:
In the summers, we would swim.
We'd swim in our ripped jeans and our see-through tee-shirts. Our feet were bare, but then again, they always were.
And she always liked to swim to the very bottom. She told me it was like flying. That was where she felt the most at peace.
So when she dove to the bottom that last summer, and got her hair caught in the rocks and the sticks, she got to stay at peace forever.

Monologue #3:
She liked to take me out in the woods at night. The stars were so much brighter there than they were in the city. Each one reminded me of that sparkle in her eyes.
And the moon would come out just to shine its light on her beautiful face. She would lay down on her back, sprawled out in the grass, look over at me, and grin with the moon lighting up her smile.
But she liked to explore too much. Sometimes she would tell me to close my eyes and count to ten and when I would open them, she would be gone.
It was always fun for her, a thrilling game of hide-and-seek. But i guess I didn't find her quick enough that last time.
I found her laying on her back, sprawled out in the grass, looking over at me with the moon shining down on her beautiful face. But her eyes just didn't have that sparkle that the stars did and she wasn't smiling.
And her heart wasn't beating.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Island

Island
"I don't get it."
You look over at him. His head is tilted upwards, his mind trying to solve a puzzle that isn't there. The sunlight beats down on his features in patches, the leaves above you trying their hardest to shade.
"What's not to get?"
His eyebrows crease and he turns to face you.
"You talk about this place like its some kind of wonderland, a paradise. Some island in your ocean that you've been drowning in for years."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry, but this is a mound of dirt."
"Caleb."
You reach over and take his hand. He looks at you apologetically.
"Caleb, you aren't looking."
"Then what am I doing?"
"You're thinking."
"So?"
You adjust yourself so that you are facing him. You lean forward and cover his eyes with your hands.
"Now, stop thinking." You say.
"I can't see. I thought you wanted me to see."
"Shut up. You're thinking again."
"Fine."
"Keep your eyes closed."
You take your hands from his eyes and place his palms on your chest. You cover his hands with your own.
"Focus on my heart beating."
He starts to speak but you cut him off.
"And don't say anything."
The two of you sit there in silence until you feel your eyes drifting closed.
"You can open your eyes now."
You watch his pupils dilate as the rays of pale light float down to his amber eyes. He looks up at the towering leaves and then back down at the flowers tickling his ankles. 
Finally, his eyes find their way back to yours.
"Wow."
"I know."
He tears his gaze from yours and looks back up at the sky.

Brochure piece

This week I got my first professional writing job. My assignment was to create an advertisement for an underground painter who doesn't speak fluent English. Here's the final product: 

Painting has been a passion of mine ever since I was a child. At first it was the only way I could effectively display my emotions and tell the story of who I was, but as time went by, it only left me empty. I realized that a story's only purpose is to be shared, and without an audience, it was useless. I wanted my work to connect with people the way that my words couldn't. I wanted it to reach out and prod people's emotions.
I begin each series of paintings with a piece of my story. The sources of my inspiration range from sights and sounds that I have personally experienced to things that my mind has conjured up during times of my own silence. I deconstruct the subject and lay the essentials out before me--light, color, tone, movements, and textures. Each canvas is transformed by simple brush strokes of ingenuity. The final product is a reflection of my true self and outlook on life.
Consumed with intoxicating colors, textures, and wistful variations of reality, my work expresses my passion for life and love of the artistic medium. Each piece is a holding chamber of overwhelming power and emotion that demands the attention of the viewer-- draws them in deeper than the surface of the canvas and into the feelings that guided my brush as I created it. The art has become an unyielding mirror of myself and my beliefs. 
Painting is my true language and it is the only thing that allows me the freedom to express my ideas, thoughts, and emotions. This new collection of paintings is inspired by the life that exists all around us. I have attempted to breakdown a place or a moment to its visual essentials. I have used these existing places as a gateway to my own universe and interpretation of what I see.
Some of my most recent pieces are represented full time by The Northshore Gallery of Contemporary Art in Chattanooga. My previous work was shown at the AVA Hunter Museum Underground Event, Art.a.ama.jig, Emporium of Knoxville, Winter Street Studio in Houston Texas, and an Arts Gallery in Montreal, Canada. 
I believe that everyone leaves a footprint in our daily lives. This is what I want to capture in my work. Painting is my speech, my playground, and my own reality. Thank you for letting me share this with you.

Third set of monologues

Monologue #1
   When I read a book, I couldn't care less what it's about. The only thing that I'm interested in are the characters. Their personalities, the way they interact with one another, and especially the way that they think. 
   What makes people interesting isn't how they dress, or they talk, or the way they look. What makes people fascinating are the differences in their brain. How one person can see something and say that it's orange and another person say that it's red. 
   Who people hang around says a lot about them. I'm sure that you've heard this before but it's absolutely subconscious to that person, if you think about it. You can tell what that person likes and how they prefer to be treated. 
   People are just amazing. Don't ever forget that. 


Monologue #2
   Very few people write. That's because they're scared to. Writing forces you to look right at yourself and ask, "who are you?"  A lot of people are scared of the answer to that question. I know I was. 
   It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to you for me to already know who I am at such a young age. I've been writing for seven years. That's half of my existence. That's a lot of time to ask questions. 
   And if you're locked in your head long enough with these questions, eventually you start to take the time to figure out the answers. 
   I know who I am. But I haven't got the slightest clue how to tell you. 


Monologue #3
   The ink stains on the side of my hand tells you that I write. But what it doesn't tell you is that some nights I will stay up until the crack of dawn, writing and rewriting until I know that I've done the best that I can do. It doesn't tell you that at the end of the day, my fingers bleed and blister from the constant movement of my pen. 
   The blank expression on my face tells you that I'm not here. But what it doesn't tell you is that I'm stuck somewhere in the past, under the whip of my father or hiding in the closet with my little sister until he stops beating on the door. 
   The scars in my body tell you that I have a blade. But what they don't tell you is that it's been four years since I haven't cried myself to sleep. That the people around me don't pay enough attention to notice them or don't care enough to confront me about them. 

Second set of monologues

Monologue #1
   I used to have my life all planned out, you know? But I've realized that my brain is a fragile spiderweb of codependent thoughts. One thread broke and now the whole thing hangs limp from the inside of my head. 
   There is one thing that I still know. I want to write. I want to wake up every morning with words on my fingertips and go to bed every night with ink stains on the side of my hand. 
   I want a room where the walls are made up of bookshelves and all of my favorite novels will have their own special place. 
   I want an apartment on the bad side of town where your shoes get dirty every time you step out the door and dogs wander the streets like jungle cats. 
   Here's what I don't know: who do I want to spend this dream with? I used to know. But that string has broken too. 


Monologue #2
   My room is made up of three things: paper, ink, and crystals. 
   These are the things that I simply cannot live without. They are who I am. My bones are made of paper. My tongue is laced with ink. My eyes are crafted from crystals. 
   The words that are said to me throughout the day fly at me and stick to my bones of paper. 
   My thoughts that I speak aloud aloud soar through the air as ink droplets and stain the skin of those around me. 
   The light shining through the trees is refracted through my eyes of crystal and the speckles of brightness dance among the leaves. 


Monologue #3
   Have you ever wanted something so much that you had actually convinced yourself that you could get it just by wanting it bad enough?
   That it felt like it was attainable by sheer force of will?
   I'd like to think that's actually possible. If it were, it'd give a lot of people a lot of hope. And everyone deserves hope. 
   That's how I get my hope. I just keep telling myself that if I want him bad enough, he'll want me back. 
   

First set of monologues

This year I have been fortunate enough to be enrolled into a play writing class. Everytime that class meets, we must turn in three monologues so I thought that I would post them to get a bit of feedback. (Keep in mind that these are my first attempts at writing monologues) 

Monologue #1:
Letting people in isn't really my forte. So I kind of cheat out of it. I'll tell one person a story but then change it around when I tell it to someone else. It's some kind of sick guessing game.
So here's the truth: I don't know who I am or what most of my story is. I'm told that the first few years were the worst of it, but that's all a blur. But it sure sounds like hell.
Long story short, my dad was a major illegal druggie that introduced my mom to rock and roll--or as we call it at home, "good music"--and knocked her up. Three months prior to my birth, my dad got the heck out of dodge. 
So my mom scrapes us up a living by working three waitressing jobs and busting her ass in school. Meanwhile, I spent the majority of the first few years of my life in a daycare where i was raped by a member of the staff on a regular basis until I was six.
Dead-beat dad tries to worm his way back into my life with court orders and false accusations against my mother, and it works for a few years. Just this year I stood up to him and told him to piss off. He hasn't called me since. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
So here I am now, living relatively comfortably with my mother (who is a licensed therapist), my second step-dad (whose not the best, but certainly better than my first two father figures), and my six-year-old blind, autistic little brother.
Don't even talk to me about stress.


Monologue #2:
  I'll give you three guesses at my name because I know that somewhere deep inside you, you know who I am.
was the kid that sat at the back of the class and stayed the hell out of the way. If you didn't ask me a 'yes' or 'no' question, then you weren't going to hear a peep out of me.
I was the kid that opened the door for one person and ended up having to hold it for ten minutes as people rushed to take advantage of a small convenience. I was too much of a push over to say 'no' and go inside.
I was the kid that spent the whole bus ride staring unblinkingly out the window while you talked to your friends.
So tell me, what's my name? Or did you even take the time to ask me in the first place?


Monologue #3:
I created life today.
And yesterday, and the day before that, and so on since I was seven years old. Because this is what you do when you're shut up in your head all day: you make people.
I'm not talking about imaginary friends. No, that's for amateurs/ I constructed a living, breathing, thinking, feeling human being by dragging an ink pen across a piece of paper and making letter after word after page.
They're so charismatic!--that;s how I know that they're their own people and not just myself with a different name. I giggle at their banter with one another. I cry when one of them passes away. I don't create their story or their personalities, I simply write them. There's no game-of-chance involved.
When I pick up my pen--and yes, it is always a pen--they tell me their stories. They want to be heard. They beg me to write out their life so that they can be remembered. What can I say? I've always been a people-pleaser. 
I wonder sometimes if they feel stuck on the paper when I write them out. They tell me it's the best freedom they've ever felt. They're trapped inside the ink of my pen until I write them out.
Won't you please read their stories? They've waited so long to be acknowledged. I can only write so much and even then i hear them sobbing inside of my pens.
They are very gracious. You see, their way of thanking me is to shed some of their ink onto the side of my hand when I write them. That way, I know what good I have done, and I am able to keep their stories on my skin.